The Ingredients of Emotional Intelligence – Part 1 | 52

Creating awareness around the five ingredients of EQ (per Daniel Goleman)and how they relate to the change model.

  1. Self-awareness – awareness of one’s own patterns and behaviours.
  • Our quality of life is determined by our relationships; the most important one being the relationship we have with ourselves.
  • Self awareness helps us to realise how little control we have over others. Therefore, if our happiness is dependant on anyone or anything outside of our control (or self) then we will more than likely live unhappily.
  • Through self-awareness we experience a shift in thought patterns from ‘everything is okay if I’m in control’ to ‘everything is okay if I have self control’.
  1. Self-control – allowing what is so that we have room to explore different options and responses to situations, rather than reacting unconsciously to them.
  2. Self-motivation – allows us to look outwards and see ourselves as part of the bigger picture; that we are not just here for our own survival. We become motivated by our personal values and morals and begin to see the ways in which we can contribute to society while remaining in alignment with these virtues.
  3. Social awareness – recognising that we are in relationship with others who also carry around their own beliefs, value systems and struggles with self control.
  • We should aim to live and interact with others in a positive way in order to inspire those around us to live with more emotional intelligence.
  1. Social impact – how we show up for others and how our contribution can impact those around us.

Exploring the first 3 components of the 5 ingredients

Self-awareness, self-control, self-motivation and transactional analysis

Self- awareness brings our attention to the way we transact with others; transactional analysis (so that we can move towards more relational interactions).

An example of transactional analysis is the parent/child dynamic which can play out in a number of scenarios outside of the family unit, especially in relationships between employer and employee.

  • Transactional analysis can be applied to the behaviours or reactions between self and situation or between head and heart.
  • It is the analysis of the behaviours that play from subconscious recordings taken during our first seven years of life (everything we hear, see and feel during these years).
  • The ‘parent’ mind state lives from beliefs learned during this period.
  • The child mind state lives from feelings linked to situations during this period.
  • The adult mind state lives from conscious thought concepts and self motivation, which can only be accessed through self-awareness.
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The Ingredients of Emotional Intelligence

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