Do you wish to invite more emotional intelligence into your life? Understand change.
This episode also draws attention to uncovering what one’s relationship with change is because when we are living with EQ change is inevitable.
Introducing the four stages of our Living with Emotional Intelligence change model:
The question of change comes to the fore and we often rebuke with questions such as:
‘Why should I change?’ ‘But what could I do differently, this is working well enough’.
These questions arise either when there is sufficient heat (pressure to change or explode/implode) or enough light (vision/motivation) around an area of one’s life.
When still in this initial denial phase, one may make small attempts towards implementing change but as soon as one is under pressure the path of least resistance (the same old patterns) are easier to slip back into.
Denial may occur a few times before the heat increases enough to the point where there is no denying that a new road to action must be forged. It is at this point where we meet resistance.
Resitance is about resisting what is and in so doing resisting change. This is often the choice rather than starting to work through shifts in one’s emotional landscape to realise what action must be taken.
Once a person’s psyche is ready to plan for new action/change she moves into a space of exploration.
This is an exciting space where one feels as though anything is possible and emotions are generally lighter and more positive. Enough time in this explorative, more free flowing state can only lead to a new sense of commitment to one’s purpose.
Fear is conquered! Action is powerful, honest and strong. One is able to commit to new action and show up in the world as an individual whose heart and mind is in alignment with the path one has chosen to pursue.
The Spiral towards living with Emotional Intelligence:
The road to EQ awareness is not linear, so one might go back and forth between the four stages many times before settling into a rhythm and flow that allows for continual growth.
The first step is self awareness and identifying where one’s comfort zones lie and whether or not the patterns of behaviour surrounding these serve us. Are these patterns born of fear and self protection or of a commitment to showing up as an individual that contributes to the world in a positive way?
We think and respond differently when we aren’t in a state of fear and once we start to take time to recognise the difference in these behaviours; the difference between subconscious and conscious behaviour, we will start to turn towards the behaviour that is more in alignment with our true self – even if we don’t yet know ‘who we are’.
In order to take this knowledge to a space that supports growth and change, we need to move out of our heads and into our bodies to connect with our heart.
Once we allow ourselves to identify what we are feeling in different situations, we can also start to question and explore why we might be feeling a certain way. Even if we can’t label the feeling we can tell if it’s positive or negative, helpful or harmful. We can then start to identify what we were thinking at the time that made us feel that way. Physically, resistance feels like a contraction or an explosion – a heaviness in the body. Biologically our fight or flight mechanism is triggered.
We can’t always control a situation but we can control our own actions. Once we become a better witness to our own thoughts and behaviours we can witness others in a way that allows for empathy and understanding.
Witnessing, which we access through awareness and attention, brings us to presence. Through presence we are able to surrender to choice and flow.
Being present allows us to look inward with the intention to explore what fuels our choices. This insight enables us to stand in a place of personal courage of conviction rather than fear of true expression. We no longer feel the need to be right or have all the answers, rather we find a sense of contentment through self awareness.
When we are aware and ready to live with intention then we can call ourselves to take actions that are responsive, not reactive. Our choices become centred around our heart and we can continue to question whether or not actions are based on beliefs, judgements or assumptions that no longer serve us. We need to remain in this question as we are faced with new situations every day. When we are living with EQ, we are changing every day so the question we asked ourselves yesterday might warrant a different call to action today.
In the first stages of living EQ we teeter on the edges of fear while the last two stages roll us over into growth.
This living Emotional Intelligence model questions the way we choose to live life.
Do we fear life or love life?
“Think of one area of life that brings you the most difficulty and know that that’s where you’re ripe for growth”.