EQ Blog

Self-Esteem & Resilience | 028

By: Donna Joy Ford
20th March 2018

  • What is your perception of what self-esteem is?
  • What behaviour do you model around self-esteem?
  • Where does your self-esteem sit?
  • How do you perceive challenge & struggle?
  • Do you think of yourself as a resilient person?

My mistaken beliefs about self-esteem:

  • Shyness is poor self-esteem.
  • Self-confidence is high self-esteem.
  • We can give or impart self-esteem through just giving a child space to speak their voice.
  • We build self-esteem by making life easier.

I didn’t ‘Lead by Example’ in passing on self-esteem to my children

I came to understand I was trying to give self-esteem to my children and yet also behaving like a doormat. And so they began to model my ‘doormat’ behaviour. My recovery from depression was part of the journey to building my own self-esteem. It was a journey into self-acceptance, valuing my truth and then trusting my own truth.

I came to understand that self-esteem is not about external circumstances or reaching something or becoming someone it’s about finding self-acceptance of where we find ourselves.

With my children, I believed to give them self-esteem that I needed to be a street sweeper to clear the way so they could have any easy road. Actually I was missing the ‘trust’ factor of letting them be challenged with age-appropriate obstacles so they could build their own muscles of self-trust and create a reservoir of experience of ‘doing hard things’.

I love the paradox that ‘we learn from making mistakes’ and also ‘there are no mistakes’.

Resilience is one of the real gems that emerges from overcoming challenges and struggle

Bréne Brown’s talks about a process to practice resilience:

  1. Make a plan.
  2. Stay flexible and don’t become too attached to the plan
  3. To have a sense that you are rooted in a community of people that can help us. We do have resources that can support us.
  4. Ask for help.

Self-care is acting in alignment with your truth!

When we do self-care well (include our own needs into the equation of what we have available) we find we can overflow and all those around you are blessed with the overflowing of our value and worth.

If you serve your truth it will serve yourself AND it will serve others.

 

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